Jealousy and insecurities are very common that all of us – whether we like to admit it or not – deal with in relationships.
Insecurities have always sparked my interest. Growing up, I was a very insecure person. I think a lot of us are until we hopefully figure out life and who we are a little more. In the past, I didn’t even always recognize my insecurities for what they were. That’s because it’s not always so straight-forward and apparent. It can be much deeper than that, but if you take the time to examine why you feel the way you do about certain things it can become a lot more transparent.
Insecurities can be very damaging especially to our relationships. In my adult life, especially the last couple years, I have spent a lot of time reading and listening to audio books about relationship insecurities. I have learned a lot and changed a lot about myself from these tips and tricks. It really has opened my eyes up more than anything (awareness), and has helped me to be better partner for my spouse. I wanted to pass on some of my findings through my readings. I hope they can help you and your relationship as well!
6 Ways to Overcome Relationship Insecurities
1) Just because you think it, doesn’t always mean it’s true.
Our brains can be very imaginative and creative, which is good for writing and arts, but not always good for stories you make up in your head. Just because we think of something, doesn’t always mean it’s true. Sometimes our brains create ideas and cause us to be paranoid even.
Now I’m not telling you to trust your gut or be smart. If you have a valid reason to think Bobby is cheating on you, then by all means, do something about it, but sometimes we make assumptions that are far from the truth about our partner, out of feeling insecure or jealous. We tend to think the worst of a situation when really the person you are with should be someone in your life that you trust the MOST not the least.
If you do this, don’t allow yourself to get caught up in your own mind game! Calm yourself down and figure out if there really is any truth to your thinking (or overthinking).
You should also be able to communicate this (without getting worked up!) to your significant other and give them the benefit of the doubt. Tell them if you are feeling insecure about a situation or explain to them why. They should care enough to listen and help ease your insecurity. If you find yourself feeding into each others insecurities, this is trouble!
So when you are finding yourself over-thinking unrealistically, ask yourself if there is any validity to your thoughts. If there is, talk with your partner. If there isn’t, stop that thought pattern right then and there.
2) Let go of your need for control.
3) Stop keeping things to yourself. Communicate.
This is a big one. I know I did this a lot in the past usually out of fear. I would rather not talk about something because it made me feel uncomfortable, or I didn’t want to “start a fight,” or I just didn’t think my partner always needed to know some things… any way you put it, I wasn’t even giving my partner a chance. I wasn’t being vulnerable or open. I wasn’t communicating. It is not fair to your partner when you keep them in the dark.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again… why would you want to be with or stay in a relationship that you can’t even be yourself or openly talk to someone? Think about it.
If you feel a certain way about something. Talk about it. I know in the beginning it can be hard to be comfortable to do this, but over time as trust grows you should be able to communicate your needs, wants, desires, and fears – even when it’s hard, uncomfortable, or makes you want to cry. It’s called vulnerability.
Men may struggle a little more with this, but they need to do it as well. It does not make you weak to be able to be vulnerable with your woman. It makes you more week in my opinion keeping everything in to yourself, and thinking you can handle it all on your own.
Choose to be more open and communicate. It will only make your relationship stronger.
4) Let go of both yours and their past.
When you start a new relationship, it should be like starting a clean slate. This may sound easy, but that isn’t always the case. We all bring baggage from our past to the table. Things your exes may have done, that effect your current relationship. Don’t compare your past partners to your present one.
You may be used to certain ways they did things, so you assume your current partner will react or be the same way. But we have to let these things go. Everyone is different. Learn how your partner really is, thinks, acts, and does without judgement. You both deserve this. It’s a new relationship.
Stop worrying or wondering about their past too. It’s okay to openly talk about things, but stop comparing yourself and don’t judge or condemn their past choices. Why did you even date Cindy? Was she better in bed? What made you sleep with this or that person? All these things don’t matter. We all make mistakes, bad decisions, and poor choices. Dwelling on these or bringing them up will probably make your partner want to hold back from being so open with you in the future. The truth is – we all probably would change some things if we could go back in time… but we can’t. On a positive note – those experiences made both you and your partner learn and grow. You both ended up together and love each other so focus on that!
It is good to use your past as something to learn and grow from, but holding on to the negative will only weigh down your current relationship. If you catch yourself thinking about your or their past and dwelling on it, put an end to it. They are with you NOW for a reason. Live in the present, not the past.
6) Stop thinking it’s all about you.