I’ve always been a pretty positive person in life. I don’t think I’m very naive, but in a sense, maybe I am. I always like to think the best of people. I give most people the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes maybe I even make excuses for people. I don’t necessary think it’s a bad quality in myself, but it definitely makes me vulnerable at times. Vulnerable to be taken advantage of, to not always have the best judgement on a situation, and to get hurt or let down.
But I’ll take my kind of naive, genuinely happy, heart-on-my-sleeve, real self that might get hurt every once in a while over some of the manipulative, take no blame, miserable, life-sucking people that I see and hear about now-a-days.
This past year has been a real eye-opener. I’ve really worked on self-awareness, and just being more aware in general, so I’ve noticed a lot more. I may have been a little blinded in the past. Sometimes it’s hard for me to see a situation for what it is… maybe because I hate to jump to conclusions or judge things wrongly. I know many people have reasons beyond my knowledge for why they do what they do, but some things really have no explanation besides maybe some people are just evil, bad, psycho, narcissistic… whatever title you want to give it. It’s all too common to see these labels getting thrown around on social media and even Buzzfeed like the Answer 10 Questions and See If You’re A Narcissist or Where Are You On The Psychopathy Spectrum. When did this become so much more common? Or have I lived in a bubble? Because I don’t remember these terms so frequently used growing up.
I’ve seen so much manipulation done to close friends that it truly makes me sick, even sad. Some truly are inexcusable.
I will give a few examples (of course I won’t and couldn’t get into all the details), but I also won’t mention names for privacy reasons. (I want people to know this is not a jab at anyone or any story I talk about. If you feel like it is, maybe you need to take a good long, hard look at yourself. Just saying.)
One friend showed me text messages from women that said she was pregnant when she actually wasn’t. She was out drinking and seeing other guys and just wanted to control the other guy and make him feel bad. It blew my mind. She eventually came clean, but to me there is no excuse for this kind of behavior.
I’ve seen another friend that talked to a girl a few times and hooked up with her once (but actually never even dated her) then have her text him that she was going to kill herself when he started actually dating someone he connected with and fell for. This dude is not even a “player” in any way, shape or form. He’s a good dude and was open and honest about everything. This other girl was seeing other people and still acted like that and even continued to try to break up his new relationship.
I’ve actually had quite a few friends that have to deal with “crazy” exes. Ones that try to break up their new relationships. Time after time. Years after they broke up using any manipulation tactic they can think of. I heard one that wanted to beat up their exes’ new love only to befriend them after they break up. Maybe just to hate on the ex together? Yes, I’m sure hating on the same person is truly a close bond of friendship to have with a person. (I’m being sarcastic.)
When it comes down to it, why can’t people just be happy for others and move the fuck on? Holding on to hate is nothing but toxic for yourself. If you are getting through life trying to manipulate every situation or love interest, I truly feel sorry for you… and anyone that encounters you. I dated a guy that I eventually married. It was an over 10 year relationship, and when it ended I wanted nothing but complete and total happiness for him and still feel the same way. We went through a lot of shit for over 10 years – both good and bad. We BOTH were to blame for our own mistakes. Some people date someone for a couple years, sometimes even months, and wish the other person were dead after things don’t work out. And they take absolutely no blame for anything that went wrong. Come on now!
I could go on with crazy story after crazy story, but I’ll stop here.
The dating world seems as sketchy as ever, and I truly feel bad for some of the genuine people out there trying to find someone. Sadly, most of these stories I hear are from men about women. Yes, I know first hand that female hormones can be a bitch… but it’s not an excuse. And I’m definitely not saying men are innocent and do no fucked up shit, but it’s just what I hear. Maybe more men are forward about it with me. I’m not sure but regardless of gender I don’t understand where people learn these crazy tactics, and why they are even acceptable now a days.
Do people not know right from wrong? Do they justify in their head that it’s okay to say or do whatever they want? Do they only blame and not take any responsibility on themselves? Does anyone have a conscious anymore?
I’m lucky that my wife is the complete opposite of myself in regards to being naive in situations. Maybe she’s a little more cynical or skeptical, but it really keeps me in check with reality and unveils another side to things that I wouldn’t even think of most of the time. I think it’s good for both of us with the reality balance.
I don’t try to overly think situations now or judge people. I’m still my positive self, but there needs to be light shed more on this behavior. Trying to control people and situations to your benefit is wrong. Of course everyone wants things to work out perfectly or their way, but it doesn’t always happen that way.
I read this today and it really fit perfectly so I wanted to share this quote: “You create your thoughts, your thoughts create your intentions, and your intentions create your reality.”
You are in control and the creator of your thoughts. Remember that.
There needs to be less of the blame game. I acted this way because this person did (insert behavior).
There needs to be more truthfulness and communication.
Stop being afraid of how you feel and start being open. If you just want to hook up with someone, say it. If you aren’t sure what you even want, talk about it. If you really like someone, tell them. Could your feelings get hurt? Yes. Could you look “dumb” in the process? Maybe so. But who really fucking cares when it comes down to it? So you like someone and they don’t like you back. Go find someone else.
Same thing when you’re in a relationship. Be honest. Be open with your partner. Why the fuck are you with them if you can’t be? Tell them how you honestly feel. If they don’t agree with you it’s okay. Have discussions.
Maybe I’m wrong to think this way, but the world would be a much better place if people learned to actually communicate a little better.
I want to hear from more people on this and their perception. I’m sure a lot of you have dealt with or heard similar stories. This is kind of an open blog post. I want to hear what you think!