You Don’t Know Until You Do

Soon after I started publicly dating Sarah, I had a lot of questions from close friends. As time went on, and the more open I became about it, I even got more questions from acquaintances and even complete internet strangers. I totally understand… people are curious by nature. It kind of makes me chuckle still sometimes. I would’ve been petrified answering some of them in the past, but now I don’t even bat an eye. It makes me happy to be able to answer questions from people that are genuine about it.

Photo by: Katie Lynn Photography

Sarah does as well, especially with her profession (cosmetologist, if you didn’t know), since she gets to talk to all sorts of people at work regularly. She makes me laugh, because she always warns people… “don’t ask what you don’t want to know.” She is as straight-forward as they come, so be prepared for the dead truth if you ask her something lol.

Of course, I always get the typical… have you always known you liked women? Did your (ex) husband know? Do you think you ever really loved him? Yes, I’ve had multiple people ask me all of these, plus more. I’m sure anyone who chooses to come out later in life are used to these kind of questions, and I’m sure everyone’s answers are different as well. But the other day I was sharing some of these answers with a friend on a walk, and I had a realization that was a very simple thought that I wanted to expand on… “you don’t know until you do.” And I’m not talking about liking women. I think it can be applied to a lot of different things in life, but especially love. I honestly never knew what a perfect fit for me was until I met Sarah.

We all see different kinds of relationships growing up from our parents, friends, other family members, etc. Sometimes your parents are a perfect example of what you want. Other times they are of exactly what you don’t want. You get ideas of what you think would be best for you and what is ideal, but all they are is thoughts and examples. It’s not the real thing that you are experiencing. I think the brain can be our best and worst enemy for this though. You have certain ideas that you feel your “perfect person” should have. When you find someone you click with, then you date them. You could be with a great person, but you could not be happy. It doesn’t mean either of you are bad people, but some people just don’t work together. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. But some people choose to stay because they believe it’s the right thing, they have kids together, they’re scared, or any other excuse.

I’m not saying it isn’t good to use your brain when deciding things but you have to be very self-aware to realize how you truly feel, especially in a long term relationship. So many people sacrifice so much of themselves that they lose their own identity. Then, when that relationship is gone, they have to figure out who they even are. I hear so many people that are completely miserable that choose stay with their significant other, and that’s sad. Why spend your life unhappy? You only have this life to live.

I’m also here to tell you that fighting and arguing regularly is NOT normal. (Communicating differences is not fighting.) I always thought that 2 people living together couldn’t get along. And that lying and hiding things was normal to prevent fighting. But it’s not.

I’ve had very good relationships in the past. Ones I thought was a true definition of “love” but when it came down to it, I never was completely happy. I didn’t understand why. I felt like something was always missing, or maybe it was something wrong with me. I was bored. I was sad. It was always something.

But now I just think I wasn’t ready or self aware. Because I really didn’t know until it happened to me.

I honestly never knew what this kind of healthy relationship was like or even suppose to feel like. It’s like I was in the dark before.  I probably wouldn’t have believed you in the past if you told me either. Sarah and I just get each other. We get along. We believe so much of the same things and are on the same page with our future. We want the same things and support each others goals. It makes me happy each day and night to wake up with her next to my side. I feel content in life and not anxious. It’s a beautiful thing to just enjoy each other’s company and completely be ourselves.

I’m saying all of this to hopefully help someone who feels stuck or hopeless. I know things can be frustrating or scary. Trust me. It can be better. Don’t blame yourself or even your partner. Being real about the situation is the best thing you can do. There’s nothing wrong with you, if you are being true to yourself and you just don’t genuinely get along with someone. Work on yourself and being the best version of that, and you’ll know. Self awareness is key. Sarah happened to me when I least expected it. When it wasn’t perfect timing for really either of us, but we were both aware enough to know this was something different and special. The universe has it’s own unique perfect timing, and I couldn’t be more grateful for this love in my life.

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